We are often told that, if we have a positive mindset and outlook, we can think our way out of low self esteem. Well perhaps...but I'm not so sure.
Research suggests that 'positive thinking' actually makes things worse if we already have low self esteem. The same research shows that positive thinking does work - but only for those generally who already have positive self esteem to begin with.
This could be because it's difficult to simply wish away self doubt by thinking good thoughts and when we fail to do so with affirmations and a determination to think well of ourselves, we don't believe it and then start to feel we've failed at that too. Of course those who feel good about themselves in the first place simply add to that well of confidence. In other words, perhaps unsurprisingly, berating ourselves for feeling lousy, just makes us feel worse.
So what to do? Are we doomed to forever widen the gap between people with high self esteem and those with low self esteem? Not necessarily.
I think in order to feel self compassion, which after all is a route to self confidence, we need to acknowledge and see our own pain, our imperfections and to acknowledge how hard life can be. Simply thinking good things is never going to be enough - after all there are times we mess up and there is nothing good about that. We need to see that we are imperfect creatures in an imperfect world and, given this truth, we will sometimes get it wrong and to be forgiving of those times when we do.
We all mess up, say or do stupid things...so lets be ok with that when it happens and accept it as nothing shameful but as part of our shared human experience. It's just possible that at that point low or high self esteem stops being an issue at all and we see how flawed, how human we all are no matter what we think of ourselves.
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